Emails – love them or loathe them, they have definitely increased during the last 12 months whilst we have been navigating home working during a global pandemic.
You know the feeling when you open an email or even read the subject header, and although the words are fine, spelling is good and grammar satisfactory, there is just something about the tone that is a little…confrontational? There is no body language in an email to give you subtle clues as to how the sender is feeling and we don’t generally use emojis in emails which can be a substitute for body language.
I recognise that I’m an empath who absorbs the world’s stresses and joys like a sponge and I have a PhD in overthinking. It can be all too easy to receive a slightly confrontational email and then respond far too quickly with a perfectly worded put-down. Which of course usually results in a testy response and a working relationship that needs repairing. Not easy to do whilst social distancing and working from home.
Dr Brené Brown, Research Professor at the University of Houston, turns this type of situation on its head with the ‘assumption of positive intent’. Essentially this means assuming that people want the best for you and responding to them in the same manner.
“I know my life is better when I work from the assumption that everyone is doing the best they can.” – Brené Brown, Dare to Lead.
In her book Rising Strong, Brown defines generosity as the ability to “extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words, and actions of others”. While this sounds simple, it is one of the most challenging tasks of being in relationship with people – friends, family, co-workers and even strangers.
How different would things look if we were able to make the most generous assumption? When that car cuts you off in the morning rush hour traffic – would it feel different to assume they were rushing to a GP appointment? What if we assumed that our family member’s snide remark came from a place of feeling left out and isolated? Maybe your co-worker isn’t trying to be confrontational but simply feels overwhelmed and helpless in their own life. Regardless of the situation, having a generous assumption or compassionate response is something each of us has a choice about.
How can we be more generous in our workplace? How do we continue to build a thriving and supportive research group in a friendly environment? Surely being successful includes forming strong relationships that encourage productivity and foster a strong sense of community? Thrive Global (April 2020) suggest five ways in which we can be more generous at work:
- Time – Make time for those you work with. Be present and aware during interactions. Show colleagues that they are seen and appreciated.
- Actively Listening – Some people listen to respond rather than understand, so listen intently and you will reduce miscommunication and misunderstanding.
- Opportunities – Be generous and supportive if you are in the position to grant people opportunities. Offer opportunities for growth and learning as well as support for more traditional promotion routes.
- Encouragement – Offer encouragement and appreciate people for what they bring to the group. Encourage people to do their best and support them when they are feeling unsure.
- Skills – Offer your expertise and support colleagues who want to learn. People want to continuously expand their knowledge.
Assuming the best of people and being generous can be even harder whilst we isolate at home. The space where once there would have been social interactions at the office coffee machine is easily filled by our doubts, insecurities and other general overthinking. The result is that we read too much into emails and waste time worrying about things we should just let go. When we are in this headspace, we usually add fuel to the fire with the quick email retort and make the situation worse than it needed to be.
So now when I read an email, I try to assume the best. I read it an upbeat tone, I try to look for the positive rather than the negative and I try to respond from the same place. I spend much less time worrying about what was in the email and much more time getting on with my day.
How can you be more generous with your colleagues?
Footnotes
Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston, where she holds the Huffington Foundation – Brené Brown Endowed Chair at the Graduate College of Social Work. She is also a visiting professor in management at The University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business.
Brown has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame and empathy. She’s the author of five #1 New York Times bestsellers: The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, Braving the Wilderness and Dare to Lead, which is the culmination of a seven-year study on courage and leadership.
Brown hosts the Unlocking Us podcast, and her 2010 TED Talk, “The power of vulnerability,” is one of the most viewed talks in the world. She is the first researcher to have a filmed lecture on Netflix; The Call to Courage special debuted on the streaming service in April 2019.